My grandmother, who raised me, loved to give me relationship advice. When it came to marriage, one of her favorite sayings was, “Always respect each other. Once respect is lost, it’s hard to get it back.”
Toni Coleman, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach, said that parents can make a great resource for marriage advice. “Parents have years of experience that have taught them many lessons about love,” she told Business Insider.
Coleman said that many parents have learned what love is and is not, how it can change for the better or worse, and how, in marriage, it will be tested and tried in ways no one anticipates when they say “I do.”
“If we’re open to what our parents have to share, we could be spared a lot of grief learning it all the hard way,” Coleman said.
Here, I asked 15 people for the best marriage advice they ever received from their parents. (Responses have been condensed and edited for clarity.)
The advice: “It’s not about getting married, it’s about staying married.”
The best marriage advice I received from my parents was to: “Love each other as you are, not as you wish the other to be.” I love that advice because the person you married will change, and you will change. But if you stay focused on the good – the essence of what you love about your spouse – you can roll with the changes and stay in love.